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The life of a hollywood stuntman
Posted Saturday, May 30 @ 02:15AM | by
So I was drinking beer one night like my parents had just been killed in a horrible car crash when I decided to show my special lady friends how to stuntman punch. I'm not sure when and where I learned how to do this but when I try to remember I'm struck with a strange feeling of serenity and my eyes well up with tears...what the fuck am I talking about? Oh yes-punching your friends. I like to think I inherited the skill after many repeated viewings of "Hooper" which if you haven't seen go rent immediately and thank me later. So what you want to do is extend your arm all the way out and get it as close as you can without touching your friends face. Unless they're a douche.
Next up the punchee should fill their mouth with a liquid-preferrably red wine-and prepare for the incoming blow. It's totally badass if'n you got's chiclets to spit out as well to proliferate the added dramatic effect cuz they look like teeth. We ran out of wine so we improvised with beer and gum. Its also important for the puncher to keep their shoulders neutral so you don't actually hit the other person. Unless they're a douche.
Make sure you are both dedicated to the fine art of pretend punching and FOLLOW THRU, PEOPLE! Other wise it looks fake and whitnesses to your charade will tell everyone you suck cocks in hell. At least at fake punching.
At this point the punchee has expelled the entire contents of their mouth and everyone is all like "fuck yeah" and shit. Its also good to have a third party involved for sound effects. Just have them punch their hand as hard as they can at the moment of contact. And that is how you reach the apex of your existence. Roll credits.
